


Bromance and Bad Ideas

by hotchoco195



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dating Advice, Epic Bromance, F/M, M/M, Science Boyfriends, Some bad language, Wingman Behaviour, but it's Fury so whatcha gonna do?, secret crushes, seduction techniques
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchoco195/pseuds/hotchoco195
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Darcy both need a little help with their boys of choice, but even with their considerable talents it turns out to be harder than they thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bromance and Bad Ideas

Tony walked into the break room still in his suit and slumped on the couch with a huff. Darcy looked up from her Captain Crunch quizzically.

“What’s up, Starkman?”

“Everything.” He muttered.

“That bad huh?” she picked up her bowl, moving to sit next to him with her feet drawn up.

“The worst.”

“Tell me about it.”

He looked at her sidelong for a moment before twisting his waist as much as the armour allowed. “I like someone.”

“Oooooh! Nice one, Iron Bro.”

“No, not nice. None of my usual stuff is working.”

“What’s your usual?”

“You know – flirting, bit of non-confrontational handsiness, come-to-bed eyes, backhanded compliments.”

“Sounds charming.”

“Well it’s never failed me before.”

“But this time?”

“Nothing. Nada.”

“Maybe they’re not into guys?”

“I don’t think that’s the problem.”

“Maybe you’re just not their type.”

He rolled his head slowly and gave her a look that said clearly he was _everyone’s_ type, but Darcy stared him down. “Maybe.”

“Could be lots of stuff, dude. I mean you’re wicked smart, you’re always in the papers, you’re rich – maybe this person isn’t into that. Maybe the fancy wooing won’t work.”

“So you think I should try something simpler?”

“How about being a little sensitive instead of your normal blunt self? Bond over a common interest.”

“Yeah...yeah that might work. You’re a champ, kid.”

“Now if I could just get my own love life sorted.”

“Oh?” Tony raised a brow, “What’s the dilemma?”

“I like this guy but he’s super complicated. A real tough guy, you know? All closed off and not up for talking about feelings. He’s like, impenetrable, you know?”

“Does he know you like him?”

“I doubt it. I tried the playful banter thing but he just shrugged it off.”

“He didn’t take you seriously?”

“No chance.”

“Then prove you can be serious. Maybe he just doesn’t believe you meant it.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Does he work here?”

She clucked her tongue and smirked. “Like I’m gonna tell you that.”

“Well if he _does_ , you could pull off something awesome and agent-y, and if he doesn’t...I dunno, show your hidden mature side.”

“Hmm...maybe.”

“Good luck anyway.”

“You too.”

*****

“Well my day sucked,” Darcy pouted as she leaned over his borrowed workstation, “Wanna get a drink?”

“Two seconds.” Tony finished closing down what he was working on and grabbed his jacket.

“How’d it go with your sweetie?”

“Shh!” he glared, “Not in the building. You know what these spies are like.”

“They spy on people.”

“Yeah.”

Darcy managed to chatter about crap until they reached the bar, but pretty much as soon as they’d ordered she spun on her stool.

“So?”

“Okay, I tried the bonding thing.”

“And?”

“He-”

“He?” she perked up.

“Shit. Yes, he.”

She kept watching him for a moment before making a flapping motion with her hand. “Go on.”

“He seemed pretty enthusiastic about collaborating, trying to explain all this complicated stuff to me. It was pretty awesome, actually. We spent lots of time together.”

“And?”

“Still nothing! I feel like he sees me as a piece of furniture. An awesome intelligent houseplant or something.”

“But you’re getting close?”

“Friendly, yeah.”

“Then step it up again, but not in your over the top way. Get him a present, something personal that’s not all flash. Show you’ve been listening, that you care.”

Tony stroked his chin and nodded. “I’ve got a few ideas.”

“I’ll help you shop if you like.”

“Uh uh,” Tony chuckled, “You’re not gonna worm it out of me that way. How about your guy?”

She rolled her eyes. “I totally took your advice and worked my ass off to get this really tricky document finished, and then I handed it in and was waiting for the praise and shit, and all I got was a nod!”

“Ugh, a nod? That’s the most non-committal gesture after shrugging. I hate nods.”

“So I wait, I sort of hover, not really smooth I know but I wasn’t sure what else to do. Eventually he looks up and is like, is there something else? And I decided to just go for it and was all, you look hot today, and then he threw me out of his office!”

Tony’s eyes narrowed and she blushed.

“Yeah, he works at SHIELD.”

“He kinda sounds like a dick.”

“Shut up!” she nudged him, “I don’t judge your anonymous boycrush.”

“Right, sorry. Well maybe he’s so used to you joking around he’s still not getting the point. Or maybe you need to get his attention another way.”

“Like how?”

“I dunno, that might be a good start.” He waved a hand at her curves.

Darcy’s lips curled up wickedly. “Oh yeah, I can do that.”

*****

Darcy smiled at Bruce as she entered the kitchen. “Hey Dr B.”

“Wow Darcy, you look nice. Are you here to see Tony?”

“Yeah, we’re having a movie night. You could join if you wanted.”

“I’ll leave you two to it – I know what you’re like when you get together.” He grinned.

“Guilty as charged,” she shot her fingers at him, “Is that new?”

He ran a hand over the Starkpad on the counter in front of him. “Yeah, one of the prototypes. Tony gave it to me to help with my research.”

“Cool.”

The billionaire walked in and whistled, running his eyes over Darcy. “Damn! Hope you’re not gonna try to seduce me, Miss Lewis. I’m a respectable fella.”

Bruce snorted as she ran her hands over the tight black dress.

“Relax, Stark. You’re not my style.”

“Too sophisticated?” Tony nodded knowingly.

“Too uppity.”

Bruce laughed. “Well my lab’s calling. See you guys later.”

As soon as the elevator doors closed behind him Tony leaned over the counter. “So was this for...”

“Yes.”

“Did it work? Because if it didn’t I think he might be gay, honey.”

“He barely even looked! In fact I think it undid all that being serious I tried earlier.” She growled.

Tony got up to pour them both a glass of wine, talking as he spun the bottle in his hands. “He’d have to be fucking crazy not to notice you in that outfit.”

“You should have seen the one I wore yesterday.”

“Can I?”

She grinned and stuck her tongue out at him. “Shut it, Tony. If I can’t woo him with my assets or my efficiency, what else do I have?”

“You’re funny.”

“This is true.”

“You said he’s tough right? Try giving it back as good as you get.”

Darcy paled slightly. “I don’t think so. I’m not suicidal.”

“Come on, guys love spunky ladies who don’t take crap. Especially tough guys.”

“Alright, might be worth a tentative try. What about you? Find a gift yet?”

“Yeah. I gave him one of the upcoming Starkpad prototypes. He loved it.”

Darcy’s brows shot up. Bruce’s Starkpad? Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe Tony had just been handing out unreleased tech that day. She decided not to comment.

“Awesome! Any other progress?”

“We’re still getting along. I think I’m ready to try asking him out.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Just be really honest, and don’t feel hurt if he doesn’t want to be more than friends. I mean there’s always the risk he’s not gay.”

“Yeah I know. I’d be okay if that was the reason. Not fantastic, but okay.”

Darcy pursed her lips. “Just remember that sometimes people say no because they’re nervous, not because they’re not interested.”

“Thanks, Darce. Ready to pick a movie?”

“Hell yes. My vote is for Banditas.”

“Again?”

“Every time, _hombre_.”

*****

“Bruce! You’re up late.” Tony walked into the lab in his singlet and sweat pants.

“Couldn’t sleep anyway.”

Tony leaned over his shoulder. “How’s the Starkpad?”

“Great! It makes it so much easier now I can take everything with me.”

“Glad to help.”

Bruce smiled that reluctant, weary smile he’d picked up over years of being alone and Tony’s heart thumped extra hard in his chest. What had Darcy said? Be honest.

“I like you.”

“Um, thanks Tony. I like you too.”

“Would you go out with me sometime?”

The scientist blinked owlishly behind his glasses. “Out?”

“On a date.”

Bruce slowly removed his glasses, folding them in his hand. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Tony bit his lip but forced a grin. “Hey, no harm done. Forget it.”

“Tony, wait. It’s not that I’m not interested-”

“How could you not be, right?” Stark snorted, falling back into old habits.

“But the relationship thing doesn’t work for me.”

“Why, because of the Other Guy? He loves me!”

“It’s not that I’m worried about. It’s a control issue. I’m sorry.”

Tony squinted thoughtfully. “So you’re saying if you could be sure of your control on Hulk, you could handle the stressful elements of dating?”

“Um, I guess. But that’s not gonna happen.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that.”

“Tony, what are you planning?” Bruce scowled.

“Nothing!” Tony backed out of the lab, “But pick a restaurant, because in two weeks we’re going on a date.”

“Tony-”

“No arguments!”

 

He ran through SHIELD HQ looking for Darcy, excited to tell her about his semi-success with Bruce and needing her input for his control experiments. Tony sidestepped a stern-faced agent and skipped down the hall to Darcy’s office. He slowed as he spotted her standing outside with Fury. She was in a red blouse that was cut extremely tight and a pair of black pants that would have been sinful on just about anyone, let alone the curvy brunette. Fury didn’t seem to notice.

“Miss Lewis, need I remind you again that the SHIELD internet policy is-”

“Oh chillax, bossman. I got through that giant stack of files you asked me to input in like record time, so what’s the deal?”

“The _deal_ is that we are drawing on government resources-”

“So? You guys spend way more on ridiculous shit than I do on a bit of data.”

“Miss Lewis-”

She drew herself up. “I’m not here to be bullied and kicked around for being awesome at my job, _Director_. So if that’s all you came to say, I’ll be getting back to it.”

She turned and flounced into her office, Fury staring after her. Tony crept up beside him and whistled.

“Wow. You’re in her bad books, Nick.”

Fury glared at him. “Don’t you have some co-eds to corrupt, Stark?”

“Touchy.”

The director stalked away and Tony let himself in. Darcy looked up, still pissed, but the anger melted when she saw who it was.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Nice dressing down you gave Nicky there. Can I ask if you’ve gone completely insane?”

“I wasn’t going to take that shit from him. He doesn’t scare me.”

There was something in her tone and the way she kept her eyes on the desk that made him lunge forward.

“Fury? Mr Tough Guy is _Fury_?”

“What? No!” she half-laughed.

“Oh my god, it totally is! Jesus Darce, I knew you were crazy but this is just stupid.”

“I know!” she threw her hands up before bashing her face into the desk, “I am a sucker for the worst kind of men.”

“I get the older man thing, but he’s so...angry.”

“It’s hot.”

“You have gross emotional problems, young lady.”

“What am I gonna do? Nothing works on him.”

“You’re fucked. That’s it, totally fucked.”

“Thanks,” she said acidly, “How did asking out Bruce go?”

He opened and closed his mouth for a minute before pouting. “He said he doesn’t trust himself to date.”

“Well let’s see what we can do about that.”

*****

The fifth time Darcy spilled hot coffee on his shirt Bruce started to think it was intentional. There was just a little too much humour in her smile as she helped him dry off.

“Are you trying to make me Hulk out?”

“Why would I do something as clearly idiotic and dangerous as that?”

“Because you and Tony are like evil twins and he’s trying to prove to me I’ve got the Other Guy reined in.”

She laughed hollowly for a long moment. “I’m just a klutz, that’s all.”

“You’re a sneak, Darcy Lewis.” He glared accusingly.

“Not fair. I’m here, trying to do something nice, and okay I stuffed it up but you could at least believe it was an accident!”

“You’ve stuffed it up every day this week.”

“Accidentally!”

He watched her uncertainly for a moment before relaxing. “Fine. Apology accepted.”

She spilled the next one on him fifteen minutes later and it took everything Bruce had not to Hulk out when she insisted it wasn’t on purpose.

 

“Fury! My main man. How’s tricks?” Tony leaned on the edge of the briefing table.

He looked up slowly, one eye piercing as he clenched his jaw. “Stark. What fresh hell have you concocted for me today? Rain of toads? Escaped killer robot?”

“I was just wondering if you had much of a life.”

“Excuse me?”

“Like a social life. Stuff that isn’t SHIELD.”

“I fail to see how it’s any of your goddamn business.”

“Because your stress levels are like, through the roof, Nicky. It’s hard on all of us when you’re such a grump.”

“Get out before I find you a long-term mission in Siberia. Or a monastery.”

“All I’m saying is do you ever blow off steam? Have a drink? Maybe a family vacation.”

“I don’t have either. Now move along before I make you.”

“Sorry!” he held up his hands, “I’ll leave you to your miserable lonely workaholic-ness then.”

He ignored the stink eye that got him and wandered out into the hall.

“Well?” Darcy said.

“No deal. But I think I have another idea.”

“Go on.”

“It’s tricky.”

“Yeah?”

“Dangerous. Possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, in fact.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“We need Barton.”

Darcy raised her brows. “Wow, it’s that stupid?”

“But if we pull it off, there’s no way Fury can fail to notice you.”

*****

Bruce had fallen asleep in the lab again, head pillowed on his arms against the counter. He snuffled softly and jerked as someone touched his shoulder.

“Hey buddy. Let’s get you upstairs, okay?”

“Tony?” he said blearily, eyes still mostly shut.

“Yeah. Come on, I’ll help.”

He slung an arm around the older man’s waist and helped him off the stool, hobbling towards the elevator.

“When was the last time you slept properly?”

“I dunno. I was close to something...it seemed important to keep going.”

“Jarvis, Dr Banner’s floor.”

They started moving, both silent as Bruce drooped slightly against Tony. The doors opened and they stepped into his apartment.

“I can manage from here.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony kept moving.

They got to Bruce’s bedroom door and he smiled, slipping out of Tony’s hold. “Thanks.”

“No problem. All part of the superhero thing.” He threw an ironic salute.

Bruce’s lips tugged up at the corner in a sleepy smile and Tony sucked in a breath. The next thing the scientist knew he had a short genius billionaire playboy philanthropist attached to his lips. Tony’s arms wrapped around his waist and held him close, and it was like have a switch thrown somewhere in his mind.

“Oh.” He managed as Tony pulled away.

“Yeah. Slow enough for ya?”

“Apparently so.”

“Do you think you can handle another one?”

“I’m open to the idea.”

Tony grinned and kissed him again. Bruce reciprocated this time, hesitantly at first until he realised the Other Guy wasn’t reacting. Maybe sex just wasn’t aggravating enough to get a rise out of him, maybe he just really liked Tony, but for whatever the reason the Hulk made no protest as Bruce reached down and clung to the other man’s arms.

“Changed your mind about that date yet?”

“Yeah. You can tell your coffee monkey to stop ruining my shirts.”

 

Director Fury was not one to pay attention to the idle ramblings and taunts of Tony Stark, but as he closed his apartment door he realised it was a little lonelier than usual. Most nights, if he even made it home at all, he just fell straight into bed and didn’t notice how quiet and empty the place was. Tonight he almost wished there was someone to talk to about his shitty day.

He shucked off his coat and hung it by the door, unbuckling his holsters and putting them in their drawer. He unhooked the radio from his belt and carried it into the bedroom, turning on the light.

“Welcome home Nicholas.”

The only reason Darcy didn’t get a projectile to the head was because she’d let his eyes adjust before speaking. As it was he gripped the doorway and growled at her reclining against his headboard.

“Lewis! What the _fuck_ are you doing in my fucking apartment? How did you even get in!”

“I have my ways.”

“Out! Right now.”

“Boo, you’re no fun.”

She turned back the covers to reveal the skimpiest black negligee he had ever seen and his brows shot up.

“What in God’s name are you doing, Lewis?”

“Well nothing else worked! You’re all business all the time. I figured if I was gonna grab your attention it had to be out of the office.”

“Believe me, you don’t want this kind of attention.”

“Uh, yeah I do. I want all the attention you have to spare and then some.”

He clenched a fist and pressed it to his forehead. “Lewis, I could have you arrested in so many different ways right now. Just go.”

“Is that what you want?”

He met her gaze steadily. She didn’t look intimidated or suggestive or angry. She looked...concerned. About him. And what he wanted.

“You don’t know me, Lewis.”

“Give me a chance to.”

The lingerie was having an effect but it was her face that drew him closer, the earnest way she was looking at him. Nick Fury had not had anyone who wanted to protect or comfort him in a very long time.

“We’re completely wrong for each other. I am your boss.”

“Big whoop. Technically I work for Jane.”

“We’ve got nothing in common.”

“How would you know?”

“I’m too old for you.”

“That’s for me to decide.”

“You are extremely irritating.”

Her eyes sparkled as she winked up at him. “I could make an exception. For you.”

She was sitting on his bed looking like sex and she was smart and sassy and sensitive and he was tired of having no one to talk to. Nick sat on the edge of the bed and looked her over.

“Alright. Where do you want to start?”


End file.
